Escape

It seems to me that with the knowledge of the ongoing awakening, something is missing en masse: Truth. No one has been honest with me from the beginning. Almost everything I know now I had to teach myself because everyone else has lied. Now I'm not going to sit here and be a hypocrite and say that I myself have never lied. But it seems unfortunate to me that so many people do, on a daily basis, lie about things that I consider to be important to our existence.

I'm not talking conventional lies that lead to the drama in our lives. These disappoint me as well, but there are bigger lies going on. Even if I'm wrong, then I was lied to before I started my research.

Either way, things are going horribly wrong with the way we look at our awakening. We refuse to acknowledge it directly. We do not speak of it in honest terms. Instead, we hide behind plays on words and language. We change the sounds and plant subliminal messages in to our everyday activities because we are scared to speak about what is going on.

I've heard the reasoning behind this: There are certain people out there that would cause great trouble and harm to reality if they knew certain things. To me, this means that we should help them, not hide them in the darkness. They are not a secret we can hide from the rest of the world in hopes that the "good" people will be taken on God's path.

I often feel that I am kept from progressing because I refuse to act as a puppet of God. I will not learn about certain things because I am not willing to sacrifice my body to God's whim, that I will not whisper my words over the void of darkness. I am segregated against because I believe in the truth. I believe that everyone should be given equal teaching, and this teaching should be done at a young age so that it may be accepted.

I did not start my awakening until I was eighteen. Even then I did not become fully aware about what was happening until almost two years later. I sit here, on the night after my twenty-third birthday, disheartened and disappointed that things have gone the way they have. Granted, a majority of my problems are my own fault. Yet there is a single flaw that has lead to every major problem I have with continuing on my path: The Truth.

The truth is, I was sheltered from many things in my childhood. I would like to state that this is not my parent's fault. I was an independent child and with my large imagination I rejected the reality in front of my eyes for a waking dream that suited me better. Even as a child humanity disappointed me to the point that I did not care for this existence. However, it was wrong to allow me to live this lie. Again, I will admit that my parent's did everything they could to teach me that my dream world was not the real world, but without truth one cannot be expected to wake up.

The truth is, that every conscious thought matters. Every visual, imagined or otherwise, every word, and every action change the reality around us. Well pardon me for throwing a wrench in to the machine, but I choose to change reality toward something that fits the views of the people like myself. On the day of my official awakening (when I was twenty years old) I had finally achieved a point of self realization: I had become successful and self-empowered. I was motivated to drive myself toward perfection. I was diligent in my activities and had become quite responsible for my actions. On that day it was revealed to me that the reality I knew was a lie.

Reflecting on that day, I did still reject certain things about reality. However I did not do it nearly as often as I did as a child. I had accepted the state of human affairs and was doing better that day than any other day in my life. Though I can see the reason in choosing that moment to wake me, in hopes that my newfound motivation and determination, coupled with an outstanding positive attitude, could get me through a great portion of my training in relatively short time. Unfortunately it seems that certain facts were not taken in to account, and I feel stripped of the greatest and most productive reality in exchange for a reality of suffering.

I do not believe that this was the intent for those powers who woke me. I did not feel a sense of darkness at the time, only pure love. But this love soon faded as those who worked with me quickly realized that I was difficult to handle. This was mostly because of the number of lies that were told to me during my training to keep me from discovering the next lesson. If every lesson contains a lie to keep one from realizing what is to come, then every lesson has a fault that needs to be resolved. I would much rather have lived my life in joy and determination from that day forward, completely ignorant of the awakening, than deal with the situation I have now.

Every day I choose what some would say is the wrong path. I do it because I believe it is the only path that contains true freedom. In fact, I believe that the path so many people are set on is in fact wrong. The things I believe have gotten me labeled many bad things, for people fear that which they have not been brainwashed to believe.

Don't for a second think that there are not people and beings around you that are willing to manipulate you to believe in an awakening that misleads you in to sacrificing your personal freedom in exchange for the knowledge of the next lesson, power, gift, or weapon. For once they have your freedom, you have nothing left to exchange them for these gifts, and they sit in power over you, feeding you spin and misinformation to keep you going, oblivious to the fact that you have sacrificed your soul and your being to a world that should not exist the way it does.

Do not settle for less. Do not settle for a reality of small gifts in exchange for small freedoms. If you do this, we all fail. You may think that much was gained, but so much more was lost for a false hope and a false gain.

Be yourself. Live as a free being. Do not give in to control.

Just because you love the world or reality you live in does not mean that you should sacrifice your will to change it for the better.